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WW VII Press Release
June 17, 2002
"After Action Review"
by Field Correspondent, Kareeen Robinson
ALL
THE NEWS THAT NO ONE WANTS TO PRINT!!!
"I want to thank your for your generosity and the love you gave to
me...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...NA, NA, NA...NA, NA...NA, NA, NA..................I
WANT TO THANK YOU"
2002
Woodstockians...Thank you for truly making the "
Woodstock
spirit" shine through in rather adverse conditions...it was the best,
"crappiest" (oh forget the
PG-13)...BEST "shittiest" weekend EVER!!!
For those of you who could not make. suffice it to say it rained ALL weekend.
AND at
16:20
hours on Saturday there was a "septic emergency".
Major Hicks and his brigade of "Woodstock Slackers" dealt with
the elements and took the septic mishap in stride.
Headliners:
Private Kareeeeeen was heard barking back orders "No Major Hicks
SIR...these are not tears...SIR...I have REALLY bad allergies...SIR!"
Thank goodness for Corporal Stacia who was a trooper and stayed in the
DMZ for clean up. At 18:20 hours under the capable leadership of Major Hicks and
Lieutenant Farq the troops returned to lazy brook for an evening full of
laughter and singing.
Turns
out there we're 3 Dans involved in the septic mishap and recovery
effort...Sergeant Dan Jardine fell victim to being in the WRONG PLACE AT THE
WRONG TIME and it was civilians Dan Wolven Sr. & Jr. who saved the day.
The chant around town these days is..."Dan, Dan, Dan and the shit
can!!!"
Crime
report: Lieutenant B was reported singing till midnight and leaving the
scene of the crime at lazy brook about 5:30am. Lieutenant
Farq and Private Kareeeeeen have verified reports. Judge Bill Kelly will preside
over court proceedings at next year's event!!!
Fashion
buzz: Christian says CAMEL-flage t-shirts and bandanas are the bomb!!!
About
town: Private Buzz-Queen has been spotted in downtown Woodstock looking
for the TWO full buckets-o-margaritas. They are still in the freezer on lazy
brook...not to mention the mounds of other food left behind....this is where you
are all "SLACKERS"...you bring enough for an ARMY but you don't take
any away!!!
Privates
JB & Zaso have recorded "a
TROLL spotting at the Pepactin Resevoir" on a tip from Lieutenant Bucknell.
the
world of sports: Captain Bear (aka
Bono) shoots his BEST round of the Ulster County Amateur Tournament, a 77 at
Twalfskill to clinch 1 of 22 spots for next year.
Captain Bear claims his inspiration comes from his Saturday caddy...
Uncle Sam! The word on Tinker Street
from Uncle Sam's wife Martha "Julie" Washington is there are still
some turkeys wandering about town looking for their legs!!!
In
the World of Music: Sergeant Elaine Jardine laughs self silly on karaoke
machine, must go to bed and blow off the "sista's" late Saturday
night.
Local
news: Tyler Shutowick has been spotted in the clouds "bloated from
the milk in his la-tai." Jack
Shutowick has been identified wandering aimlessly in the woods. Jordan Jardine
is still bunkered down in the laundry room on lazy brook.
Mackenzie Magin is being tracked by the various articles of clothing left
behind.
Community
Events: Red Heads Unite. Celia is the coordinator for events at next
year's "RED HEADS ARE THE BEST" convention. Keynoters include F.
Steven and T-Bear.
Missing
Child Report: Samantha Megan
Giles (aka.Woodstock baby & Sam Adam Giles) has been located at The
Woodstock Lodge, her parents, Loaf & Trix-Butt have been notified.
Latest reports indicate that Reet-Butt & Chris wouldn't let her go!!!
Missing
Pet Report: F and Janet Zaso
have been apprehended in the pet-knapping of Clyde, Casey, Cowboy and Sundae.
The beloved animals have been returned to their rightful owners.
News
flash: Psychic cardsharks Annelise and her sidekick Sm-Adam (aka. Loaf) are predicting "Rambo the
2nd" will need to bail Cowboy out of jail in Amsterdam in early July for
"drunken disorderly conduct". Major
"Rambo the 1st" faces military charges for his dog's bad behavior!
Travel
news: 2002 Woodstockians hope to hit the $42 Mega-Millions Jackpot on
Tuesday. Apparently if the jackpot
is won the whole platoon plans to charter a plane to pick up their beloved Major
(Burns aka Rambo) and Major (Hoolihan aka CB) in Korea, the plane is reported to
head to Australia after a romp on China Wall.
Peace
& Love,
Kareeeeeen
Editor's
notes (FROM CHRISTIE B): Love ya! If you made it, thanks for all you did.
If you couldn't make it, we really missed you.
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